Lucas' Big Breakup
by banessa69gr8pkoolaid
Summary: Lucas Grabeel, star of High School Musical, is going through a hard breakup. But with a little help from his best friend, Ashley Tisdale and songstresses Aly & AJ, I think he's gonna make it through the other side and show his true colors and spicy flavor
1. Chapter 1

wuddup erybody!! im realy excited about this story and can you PWEAZE tell me wat u think in a review it wil mean alot to me as i had a hard life ;) pweaze 3 ok enjoi xoxoxo banessa

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Lucas Grabeel was on the phone with his gal pal Ash Tiz.

"I can't believe he broke up with meee," Lucas Grabeel wailed into his pink Sidekick.

Ashley Tisdale, who was quite uninterested, mustered up a smidge of feigned sympathy and sighed into the phone. "You're better off without him." Then she said in a bitchy tone, "He was only perfect."

Lucas Grabeel groaned and cried, "I knowwwww. Come now, I need my Tiz-tiz!"

"I'm on my way!" Ashley Tisdale said breathlessly, sounding empathetic.

Lucas Grabeel moaned and slumped down onto the kitchen floor, not caring that his shortie kimono was riding high up on his thighs and wiped at his mascara-streaked face.

After a short while, Ashley Tisdale burst through the door like a super hero and said, "No fear, Ash Tiz is here!"

Lucas Grabeel could hear as her high-heels clicked along the marble floor and lunged out at her legs, latching onto them and sobbing heavily into her skinny jeans.

"You have nothing to fear, but being alone for the rest of your life," Ashley Tisdale reminded him, enunciating the last few words, followed by a small condescending giggle.

Lucas Grabeel wailed louder and his grip tightened.

Ashley Tisdale bent down and patted his head gingerly. "Does Bumbly-wumbly want a snacky-wacky? To make him feel betta-WETTA?"

Lucas Grabeel flung himself onto his back and pouted. "Yes."

Ashley Tisdale enthusiastically swung around and was facing Lucas Grabeel's maid, Marta. She cocked her head and sneered, "Move. Comprendae?"

The elderly Hispanic woman burst into tears and ran away.

Ashley Tisdale sashayed her white ass over to the refrigerator and took out the break-apart cookie dough, coveted among the teen dating world. She broke off four, put them on a plate and popped them into the microwave for exactly one minute and thirty seconds. Meanwhile, she prepared two glasses of milk and took out two forks. When it was done, she placed the hot cookie dough onto the counter top while reaching down and picking up Lucas Grabeel's scrawny body with one hand so he was now lurched over the plate.

As they ate the treat, Lucas poured his heart out about his now new EX-boyfriend. Ashley Tisdale pretended to listen, while inside enjoying the sight of him such a state. This made her self-confidence sky rocket.

After they were done, Ashley Tisdale discreetly clacked her way to the bathroom and threw up.

Lucas Grabeel felt a small tinge of joy at seeing his friend showing her insecurities and let out a small evil chuckle for the first time in hours.

Upon her return, Ashley Tisdale cooed, "Are you feeling better, Schnucky-wookumz?"

"Yes, I'm no longer sad," Lucas said. "But now I'm angry."

So they formed a brilliant plan involving a phone and clever, witty words. They were going to PRANK call his ex-BOYFRIEND.

Lucas Grabeel grabbed Ashley Tisdale's phone and dialed his number.

"Hello?" A masculine voice answered the phone.

Lucas Grabeel was overcome with a sudden anxiety attack. "Hello?" He murmured back.

"Uh, Lucas…?" His ex-boyfriend said into the phone.

"Um, no, is your fly down?" Lucas Grabeel stammered.

Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend replied, "No… It isn't."

"Oh, okay. Bye," Lucas Grabeel said and hung up, feeling distraught.

"…Oh, that was really good," Ashley Tisdale encouraged.

Lucas Grabeel pouted and fluttered away to his Dance Room.

Ashley Tisdale shuffled after him.

When they entered the room, Ashley Tisdale strutted over to the boom-box and put on Aly & AJ's "Potential Breakup Song," and started to dance. "C'mon! This is such a great song!" She called out to Lucas Grabeel.

Lucas Grabeel pulled himself away from his problems for a moment to look at Ashley Tisdale. With extreme excitement he screamed, "HEY! What's that dance you're doing there? What's that called?!"

She smirked coyly at him. "Oh? This? It's called… the CRIP WALK"

Lucas Grabeel gaped.

"I can teach you how!" Ashley Tisdale exclaimed.

They spent HOURS working on it. Lucas Grabeel was almost at the point of exhaustion; He was going to faint. Finally, Ashley Tisdale screamed, "EUREKA! YOU'RE DOING IT! You're really doing it!!!!!"

Lucas Grabeel was so excited. "I'm going to Crip Walk all the way to my ex-boyfriend's house and. Win. Him. Back!!"

Ashley Tisdale clapped her hands together excitedly, the way girls do. "But, first! I have to make you brootiful!" She shoved Lucas Grabeel out of the Dance Room and into his bedroom, onto his bed. She examined his skin under a lit-magnified glass. "Hmm. There's a nasty blackhead," She mused, slipping on a pair of latex gloves and began squeezing at the dirt-filled pore. Harder and harder until… Mary-Kate Olsen burst out of it.

Ashley Tisdale shrieked and began bludgeoning her with a high-heel while screaming, "OUT, OUT, OUT!"

Mary-Kate Olsen was defeated and schlumped away.

Ashley Tisdale then started to apply his make-up. First, she applied iridescent hot pink eye shadow all over his eyelid, up to his brow bone. She then highlighted the lid with a pale, shimmery, peach hue. The final touch on his eye makeup was to apply the pale lilac and fuchsia glittered eyelashes. A little blush, a little bronzer, and some clear lip-gloss and his face was ready to go.

Lucas Grabeel slipped out of his shortie kimono and put on a white wife-beater tank-top, cargo shorts, CHINESE slippers with socks, and his lucky fedora. He was ready on the outside but on the inside he suddenly collapsed into a nervous wreck. "I can't do it!" He screamed, scampering out of his room and down the hall, Ashley Tisdale not far behind. He disappeared into a room, slamming the door in Ashley Tisdale's face. It was the only door Ashley Tisdale hadn't ever seen the other side of in Lucas Grabeel's house.

She swung the door opened hard to see Lucas Grabeel making hamster faces and running feverishly in a gigantic human-sized hamster wheel, squeaking and making various hamster noises. Ashley Tisdale screamed in terror. "Get off of there right now, you're not a hamster!"

Lucas Grabeel reduced to a puddle of tears. "I knowww," He wailed.

After a short Tisdale-family pep-talk, Lucas Grabeel was again, ready to face his ex-beau.

Ashley Tisdale seized him by the back of his shirt and forced him out of the house, saying dramatically, "GO! Go, now! Or you'll forever regret it."


	2. Chapter 2

Lucas Grabeel Crip Walked furiously all the way to his ex-boyfriend's house, fully prepared to. Win. Him. Back. He let himself into the house and Crip Walked all the way to his room and burst through the door without knocking.

The room was fully lit from every angle, and Lucas Grabeel could see the figure of his ex-boyfriend lying in the bed with moving lumps under the covers. He was unaware of Lucas Grabeel's presence until he shrieked, "What's wrong with your legs?!"

The High School Musical bedspread shot up into the air, revealing the sweaty, naked forms of Zefron and Corbin Bleu. Corbin Bleu was moaning, "Push it, push it, to the limit, limit!"

Zefron was shouting, "Getcha, getcha, getcha peen in my hole!"

"Sweetie, you have got to deal wit it," Corbin Bleu said. "Because I am gettin' all hot and bothered."

"Here we go, Tracey-baby," Said Link, I mean, Zefron, who was dangerously close to Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's crotch.

Lucas Grabeel eyes widened and screamed in terror like a girl, before running out of Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's room, down Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's hall, into Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's mother's bedroom, onto Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's mother's bed and began to sob.

Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's mother came into the room to console Lucas Grabeel, patting him softly on the head, murmuring words of encouragement and comfort. Lucas Grabeel mustered up enough strength to confront the lecherous boys.

He stomped out of Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's mother's room, down Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's hallway and into Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's room once again. All three of the naked boys stared at him, expectedly.

Lucas Grabeel went into full-on hamster mode, lunging at Corbin Bleu and latching himself ontop of his head, pulling and gnawing at his puffy, puffy, nappy, nappy, curly-ass head. Corbin Bleu let out a shriek and began swatting at the top of his head, where Lucas Grabeel was perched. Zefron stood his naked-ass body up and pulled the Hamtaro off of Corbin Bleu's head and tossed him at the wall.

Lucas Grabeel squeeked and slid down the wall, before slowly getting to his Chinese-slippered feet. Looking determined he said, "I. Don't. DANCE." He then spun around and magically changed into a Flamenco dress and did an elaborate dance to the High School Musical song, "I don't dance." It was very impressive. At the end, he did an acrobatic show and spun around in the air, landing perfectly with his legs spread opened. A little Japanese baseball player emerged from between his knees and cried, "Schwang ding dong day die dangai-ee danga schwaaaaaah DANCE!"

Zefron, Corbin Bleu and Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend broke out into a scattered and nervous round of applause, hoping that this would please him.

Lucas Grabeel panted heavily, his chest heaving up and down, as he glared at each and every one of them, snarling ferociously.

Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend took a step forward. "Lucas…"

Lucas Grabeel screamed and shoved the small Japanese man out of his way and lunged at Zefron, placing one hand on his kippah _(A/N: Google it.)_ spot and another under his chin, swiftly snapping his neck, killing him instantly.

Corbin Bleu let out a loud gasp. "MY LITTLE EFFY," He wailed with terror, shivers spreading down his spine. "MY ZEFFALUMPAKIS!"

Lucas Grabeel slowly turned his head towards Corbin Bleu, glaring menacingly.

Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's opened his mouth but then closed it again, unsure of what to do.

Lucas Grabeel reached for his little pouch of ground-up glass from his pocket, labeled, "Fairy Dust." He took out a handful and threw it at Corbin Bleu's eyes, causing him to cry out in pain, clutching at his cut-up eyes. Lucas Grabeel then leaped up into the air, thrusting his leg out at Corbin Bleu's face, kicking him sixteen consecutive times, martial arts style. Corbin Bleu cried, clutching at his shattered cheekbones, blood shooting out of his tear ducts.

Lucas Grabeel grabbed Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's bow and arrow, aiming it right at Corbin Bleu's chest. He whispered, "Let Cupid fire his last arrow of love," and shot it right into Corbin Bleu's heart.

As the arrow made contact, Corbin Bleu's hands moved from his face, to his chest wound, grasping at it desperately, his mouth gasping for air. Lucas Grabeel watched with pleasure as Corbin Bleu began to violently shake all over, stumbling backwards. His neck snapped to the side as he spun around dramatically, before coughing up a big mouthful of blood. Gathering up all of his strength to mutter his final words he breathed, "You're not even that good of a dancer…" He spun around once more, flinging himself into the window and fell three stories to his death.

Lucas Grabeel turned to his ex-boyfriend, at last, and with shifty eyes, slowly strutted towards him.

Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend, with tears streaking down his red cheeks, backed up, muttering, "We shouldn't have ended this way…"

Lucas Grabeel reached for Lucas Grabeel's ex-boyfriend's limited edition collectible Lord of the Ring's replica sword, not taking his eye off of his ex-boyfriend as he slid into a corner, trembling. With one swift slice, he was dead…

Lucas Grabeel turned around to peer into the mirror, holding his ex-boyfriend's severed head by the hair. His reflection was slathered in blood of the ones who had betrayed him. His small hamster mouth twitched and began to sing, off-key, through gritted teeth,

"We're all in this together

And it shows

When we stand

Hand in hand

Make our dreams come true…"

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he let out an evil, deranged chuckle.

**THE END…?**

_**Love your lil half-shawty,**_

_**Xoxoxo Banessa**_

_**Ps I hope yall bitchez likd it**_


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